Rss Feed
Tweeter button
Facebook button
Digg button

Harvey’s FAQs

2010
01.28

Q: Does Harvey Really Make His Living Traveling?

Not exactly.  Harvey makes a living bringing joy, inspiration and suspense to readers all over the world recounting the hair-raising adventures he has while traveling.  He is also a public speaker in the mosquito world.  Some of his most popular seminars include “Five Easy Steps to Communicating with Humans,” “Yes!  You Can Live among Humans,” and, his personal favorite, “The Bathtub Winery.”  He is now, in fact, working on a how-to book about making wine in the bathroom.  Last, but not least, he is a detective, helping his police friends crack cases that they are - to put it bluntly - too dumb to figure out.

Q: Harvey, How Can You Stand Drinking Blood?

I need to answer this question myself.  Young man, male mosquitoes don’t drink blood.  I am male, ergo I don’t drink blood.

Q: If You Don’t Drink Blood, What’s That You’re Sucking in Your Photo?

 

Harvey Flea

Harvey Flea

Again, I must answer that question myself, although I almost feel that I shouldn’t dignify it with a response.  To the untrained eye, it may look like blood, but take a closer look.  Go on, lean in good and proper. See the deep red?  Smell the hint of licorice and flowers?  That’s right, my friend.  That is a Romane Conti 1997.  And one doesn’t “suck up” wine.  One sips, with leisure and pleasure.

Q: Harvey, aren’t you dirty?

This question is a condensed version of a letter I recently received from a reader. She said, and I quote:

Dear Mr. Flea,

I recently read your article Harvey Flea Goes Wine Bombing. I was disgusted, appalled and very disturbed that you would dive into wine bottles. That is highly unsanitary. I urge you to stop that practice immediately.

I wrote back:

My dearest disturbed fan,

I bathe. Frequently.

‘Nuff said.

Bombs Away

The following is an excerpt from a more enthusiastic letter about my wine bombing.

Dear Sir,

I have spent years training myself in the finer points of wine tasting. After reading your article Harvey Flea Goes Wine Bombing, I decided “To heck with it. I prefer Harvey’s way.” My pool is being emptied of its chlorinated water as we speak. Do you have any suggestions as to how to proceed?

Yes, invite me over!

Q: Harvey, how do you make money travel writing?

When you get to be as famous and adored as I am, it’s much easier to make a living travel writing. Advertisers practically bowl over my door on a daily basis trying to get me to model for them. I’ve been on the Wheaties box seven times. (No, really. Just look really closely, on the upper right corner. One of these days, I’ll even get a solo shot.)

But being a mosquito also helps avoid expenses. I don’t have to book hotels, reserve seats on planes, pay for tours or buy museum tickets. I just sneak on and few notice.

Some people think that’s dishonest, but look at it from my perspective. I tried paying my pay a few times, but people try to swat me instead of giving me back change.

So my best advice? Become a mosquito.

Your Reply