I just read in the New York Times that the U.S. Senate wants to give the Food and Drug Administration new powers to fight the dangers of food. I quote, “The bill attracted support from major food makers as well as
consumer advocates after a series of problems with tainted
eggs, peanut butter and spinach sickened thousands of people.”
Well, of course thousands of people are getting sick, if they’re gorging on spinach. Eww.
Governments the world over, instead of creating another layer of bureaucracy to fight the hidden dangers of food, would do well to remind their citizens that if they are going to tread the dangerous waters of spinach cuisine, they need to do so armed with a few good recipes. Then they should point them in the direction of Food Network, Jacques Pépin, or any one of the other experts available, and get on with more important business, like staying out of people’s way.
Since governments in general aren’t always very good at doing that, I’m going to go ahead and remind you about a few details regarding spinach.
Beurk!
The first tidbit is that one of the oft ignored rights of man is the right to not eat spinach. I don’t care what your mother told you. I don’t even care if she said children in Africa were starving while you were leaving perfectly good spinach on your plate. You have a right to leave it there.
However, should you decide to risk all and shove the the slimy Spinacia oleracea down your gullet, then make sure you follow a Very Simple Rule.
Very Simple Rule: Never eat it naked. I’m not talking about you. If you want to eat spinach naked, that’s your business. I’m talking about the spinach. Spinach is mostly dangerous when it is in an uncombined state, like salt. Eat Na or Cl alone, and your beloved family will find you sprawled dead on the floor, the naked part optional. But combine the two elements, and salt won’t kill you, at least not right away.
Neutralizes dangerous spinach
So make sure you add some ingredients to spinach to neutralize it. I recommend fatty stuff, like a sprinkling of Pecorino Romano, pine nuts, and butter. And don’t forget the NaCl.
Or you could just eat the Pecorino Romano naked. That’s good too.
This weekend, I go to Florida. I am very, very excited, because ever since I was boy, I want to see pink flamingo stand on one foot.
