Do you have error in decimal place? Aha! I arrest you.
“Accounting is a scintillating career. Accounting is hot, hot, hot. Accounting lets me travel the whole world uncovering incorrect decimal places.
Accounting is the next big thing.”
I am listening to self-help tapes. These tapes are for accountants, to help accountants improve our – what tape calls it? – self-esteem.
These tapes try to make me believe accountants are like 007. The only difference is 007 has dangerous gun. Accountant has even more dangerous calculator.
And spreadsheet. Please not to forget the spreadsheet.
I am listening to these tapes, even though people laugh and say, “Walkman!? You have Walkman!? Ha ha ha!” because I need “to be galvanized”. *
And accounting. It is very, very “intoxicating.”
But maybe not so much in Moldova. I am living in Moldova, and here, accounting maybe not so exciting, because there is not much to account. We people in Moldova, we no have too much money to count. So accounting has many zeros.
This makes me hungry, because zero looks like doughnut.
We have delicious doughnut made with potato in Moldova. Nice. Round. Like zero.
So I will learn new accounting “savvy.” The tape calls skills “savvy” because it is exciting, savvy is. Skills, not so much, apparently.
I want to be “international accountant”. Yes, international accountant, because then I travel. And I already know many, many things about international accounting. I did taxes for pretty stewardesses in airport in America.
And my English is almost very good. (Harvey wants me to study the English articles. I will study the English articles.)
Maybe I can be “forensic accountant” too. “International and forensic accountant.” I catch bad criminals all over world with dangerous spreadsheet and dangerous calculator. And very, very dangerous pencil. (Several pencil. I need several pencil.)
Aha! 007 is accountant too.
I catch so many bad criminals, they call me “International 007” accountant. Or “International .007” accountant. I put decimal because I am not just Bond, but Accountant Bond.
So, yes. I will be world-famous accountant of .007 and international accounting. Are you criminal? Are you hiding decimal places? Are you scared? You should be scared. I will find you. I will drag you to Moldova. You will rot and die in Moldova jail.
But is not so bad. I will give you potato doughnut. And fun spreadsheet to read.
Because spreadsheets, they are “electrifying.” Like 007.
* Tape is very useful. I have recorded self-help information from computer because tapes, they are easy to carry. The computer, it not so easy to carry. And the cable for plugging to wall, is not too long.